Your Marriage Sucks Because You Don't...
"The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed." -Carl Jung,
Real Talk: Why You Feel Unloved
Your marriage might feel like it’s crumbling, and the truth is, you play a part in that. It’s not easy to hear, but it’s necessary. This isn't about pointing fingers; it's about reclaiming your power and transforming your relationship. You're here because you're ready for real change, and that starts with understanding how your actions contribute to your unhappiness
Keep Reading for 5 Actionable Steps to save your marriage today👊
The Pain of Working for Love
You’ve been running on empty, doing everything for everyone else, and hoping someone will notice and give you the love you deserve. But here’s the hard truth: working for love doesn’t work. When you bend over backward, doing all the chores, picking up clothes scattered across the house, waking up early to ensure everything runs smoothly, it’s easy to lose yourself. You think you’re earning his affection, but really, you’re just setting yourself up for disappointment. Stop treating him like your child and start seeing him as your partner.
This isn't about not doing things that show him love, but it's about not putting his needs above your own. Both partners should actively pour into each other, but if your tank is empty, your goal is to fill it up. Right now, you’re stalled on the side of the road. Your once sleek design now looks like a rust bucket.
Real Talk: Why You Feel Unloved
Feeling unloved is more than just not feeling attractive or valued. It’s deeper than the surface. Emotional eating, lack of sleep, or comparison struggles can lead to weight gain, feeling sluggish, and waking up every morning with a hangover glow, even if you don’t drink. Your exterior reflects burning the candle at both ends. It’s obvious you’re neglecting your own needs and not practicing good sleep hygiene, and it’s wearing you down.
Let’s ask the real question. Why do you feel unloved beyond being exhausted? Are you expecting your husband to fulfill a need he cannot or should not fulfill? No man will complete you. Add to your joy, yes. Complete you, no. If you’re a donut, you need to find a way to plug your own hole. Before you plug it, find out why it’s there in the first place.
If you don’t already know your worth, then expecting him to validate your very existence is setting you both up for a crappy ever after. No one has time for that. You are a masterpiece, flaws and all. Get curious about you and enjoy the skin you are currently in. If you’re not satisfied with your exterior or areas of your interior, then make slow changes. Remember, slow and steady wins the race. Be the tortoise, not the hare.
The Love Department
If there are crickets in the love department, the problem likely goes deeper than just the physical. You’re not asking for what you need. You expect your husband to be a mind reader, to know you need more affection, more help, more anything. You’re silently suffering, hoping he’ll just get it. Newsflash: he won’t unless you tell him. The more you keep quiet, the more resentment builds up, and the more unloved you feel. Pro tip: You will not get what you want by criticizing or yelling at him.
Think about the last time someone put you down, questioning every decision or idea you had. After their emotional abuse orgasm, they expected you to light their ciggy and then fix them some pancakes and eggs. Don’t forget the hot cup of coffee. The only thing you want to do is spit in their coffee. Please don’t spit in his coffee. That is a divorceable offense.
If you are quick to mend the situation, then you make him the pancakes and eggs, with a spit-free cup of coffee, hoping to calm the raging seas. Remember, if you or both of you are constant finger pointers, pacifying a grown-up gets old real quick. It causes an unsafe environment for both of you. If you are the yeller or name caller, stop it. You are destroying your marriage.
If he is the yeller and name caller, don’t engage. Set up boundaries quick and save your peace. Let your hips sway while you walk away. Don’t take that sh**. Eventually, it will clog you up. You are not any man's toilet. You are a prize.
The Endless Chores
If you work a full-time job and still handle all the household chores—dishes, laundry, cooking, cleaning—stop and re-evaluate. You shoulder all the responsibility because you believe if you don’t do it, no one will. You want acts of service in return, but you never ask for them. You think if you just keep doing everything, someone will notice and step in. But they don’t, and you end up feeling even more unappreciated and overwhelmed.
Set Clear Boundaries
Don’t do it all. If the dishes pile up or the laundry doesn’t get done, be okay with it. Either your husband will realize how much you do and start pitching in, or he’ll wait you out. Hold your ground. Don’t be mute or passive-aggressive. You have the right to share your needs plainly and without yelling. Say, “I’m tired of feeling like I’m the only one responsible for the household chores. It’s wearing me down. I’m happy to cook dinner 3-4 days per week, but the other days it’s every man, woman, and child for themselves.” Keep that commitment to yourself. Make it a boundary.
Taking Your Power Back
Stop acting like his mother and start being his partner. If you want a back rub, ask for it. If you need more affection, tell him. When you stop working for love and start asking for what you need, you change the game. You show him that you value yourself, and that’s incredibly attractive. You’re not his servant; you’re his equal.
The Transformation
When I stopped waking up an hour early, stopped picking out his clothes, and stopped trying to earn his love, I felt liberated. I started taking care of myself. I worked out because I enjoyed it and made small, sustainable changes to my diet. I noticed every little change in my body and celebrated it. I didn’t need his validation because I was giving it to myself. I stopped looking at him as the reason for my unhappiness because he wasn’t. I was my greatest enemy and then I became my best friend.
Empowerment Through Self-Care
It’s time to stop begging for scraps of affection and start expecting and receiving the love and respect you deserve. You are not a servant, and you don’t need to prove your worth. You are a powerful, beautiful woman who deserves to be loved for who you are, not for what you do. The same is true in reverse. Show love to him because it feels good.
Conclusion
Your marriage struggles because you don’t prioritize yourself. Change that narrative. Take a hard look at your actions and see where you’re giving too much and not getting enough in return. Start asking for what you need. Start taking care of yourself. When you do, you’ll find that not only does your marriage improve, but you feel more powerful and alive than ever before. You’ve got this, and we’re here to support you every step of the way.
Actionable Steps
Self-Assessment: Take a hard look at your actions and see where you’re giving too much and not getting enough in return. You are his partner, not his mom.
Ask for What You Need: Start asking for what you need. Be clear, be direct, and be unapologetic.
Prioritize Self-Care: Start taking care of yourself. Find activities that you enjoy and make you feel good about yourself. This could be working out, meditating, or simply taking time for yourself.
Set Boundaries: If the household chores are too much, set boundaries. Share your needs plainly and without yelling. Make sure everyone in the household knows what you need from them.
Celebrate Small Wins: Notice every little change in your body and celebrate it. You don’t need validation from anyone but yourself.
Start today. Make these changes and see how your life transforms. You deserve it.
